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#1 OFFLINE   Bexie

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 07:04 PM

Hi guys

I have been diagnosed with depression associated with bereavement, what i didn't realize is i have been in this black hole since last September and the deaths of my dads partner and then of my beloved Nan and it has affected pretty much everything in my life. i have blamed others for my problems, i have blamed myself, the hospital and even members of my family - and my boyfriend. I have been lashing out in some weird attempt to try and get my feelings and grief under control, what i didn't realize was just how dangerous it was becoming, i have had continuing racing thoughts 24/7 and got to the point i could no longer think straight, i finally realized i had hit rock bottom last Thursday when i believed my boyfriend had gone out to meet another woman, i was in tears and shaking and he had left the house and come back in the space of 30 minutes, it was then i realized i had basically had a breakdown.

I took myself to the doctors yesterday and asked to be put on medication and the doctor said the likely cause of all of this is depression caused by the loss of my nan, so for now i have been put on antidepressants and referred for counselling.

I guess what i am asking for is support, as i feel this is going to be a long road and i do need a bit of support, but i WILL beat this and i am determined to kick this thing in the backside, it will just take some time and the right support

Thanks for reading guys xxxxx :kiss:

#2 OFFLINE   richaang

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 07:21 PM

Ahhh so sorry to hear that.
If you want a reiki distant healing session pm me.
Xxx

#3 OFFLINE   kally

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 07:27 PM

Hi Bex, you've made the first step, recognising and owning, and accepting the problem. Grief is a terrible emotion if left to it's own thing, being suppressed. At least you have taken responsibility for it and are taking the necessary, albeit painful steps to work with it. We are with you all the way, you are not alone. Sending you much love, healing and positive thoughts :heart: :giverose:
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#4 OFFLINE   Bexie

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 07:33 PM

Thank you kally, ive been like this for so long before i finally realised i had hit rock bottom, i know there are no instant cures and it all takes time (my nan was more of a mum to me than my own mum) but im going to stick with the medication and hopefully the referral from the counselling will come through soon. I dont think my boyfriend quite knows how to deal with this, he kind of shuts off in his own geeky world, ive put him through a lot, i thought i was completely fine and that it was him that had the problem and then realised some things that were not healthy like the breakdown and realised i had relapsed and needed help fast, bless the doctor though so understanding xx

#5 OFFLINE   Thunderbird

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 07:35 PM

Bexie, I have been thinking about you a lot after your status update recently so am pleased you have shared your sadness, I have already been sending out my thoughts to you, you are loved here and you have our support. :heart:

#6 OFFLINE   Spiritlove

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 07:42 PM

Like kally said Bex, youve made the first steps yourself, very wise words, grieve goes through cycles as you know, its a painful process but eventually you will break that cycle and things will start to get easier and i know its a cliche that in time , time is a great healer but its true with the right support it will get better, so try and focus on breaking that cycle but not stopping the grieving at this moment in time as you need to grieve and release your emotions whatever they are at the time, so that you can talk about your feelings, even if your feeling numb too that too is part of it as well. Also try and take comfort in knowing that nan is by your side and you look after that necklace! :) :kiss: thats your comfort and wear it knowing that it brings nan close to you, she cant unfortunately take away your pain for you as you need to go through the emotions but she can be there to give you little nudges and pick me up's and comfort you in the process xxxx
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#7 OFFLINE   Bexie

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 07:47 PM

i wonder if she knows about all this, the medication and the counsellor......

#8 OFFLINE   Wingman

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 07:48 PM

I'm glad you decided to turn to people on here for support as well as going to the doctors and stuff.. illness like this can hit anybody and its seems reading your post that you were feeling a bit lost before your nan went and also your boyfriends dad.. ........ Here is something I want you to try, I want you to sit with some writing media, pen and paper or laptop and notepad or word, anything like that doesn't matter, then I want you to be honest with yourself and write a list of all the things you don't like and would like to change. a lot of the time the small things in life that effects us can dig a big hole before we know it.. when you have done this I want you to do the same thing with a list of the things you like in your life.. really think about this one because what tends to happen in depression is we focus more on the negative until we can't see the positive anymore..

Every day in every moment,
you make the choice...
whether to love and harness the positive force.
or not.

 

 

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#9 OFFLINE   Spiritlove

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 07:49 PM

Yes she will do Bex :)

Keep talking and dont hide away, everybodys here for you xxxx
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#10 OFFLINE   Thunderbird

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 07:53 PM

Spiritlove and kally.. you see Bexie how much love there is for you :heart:

wingman that is a lovely idea, I have seen something similar in reading... so Bexie try that, I think you may be surprised :heart:

#11 OFFLINE   Bexie

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 07:54 PM

really good idea wingman, thank you, i really appreciate the support from you all, more than you'll ever know.

Its hard because i just want to get better really fast but i know i can't rush it, i just want my life back the way it was when i was happy, i remember how i was when i was really happy and positive and confident, and just a run of bad luck over the last months has done me in, and i didnt even realise how bad i had got, my boyfriend said i have been pushing him away, i'd look at a photo of nan and cry, so i have had to put the photo away, just until i can deal with the emotions better

I am determined to beat this!!!!!!!!

#12 OFFLINE   Robbie

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 07:56 PM

And you always know where I am x

#13 OFFLINE   Thunderbird

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 08:05 PM

Aaah you see Bexie the love we send you returns to the universal consciousness and that consciousness returns to you, wingman is a wise old soul, a bit of a 'dark horse' haa haa I reckon, but deep wisdom there in. This is what spiritcharms does best, to help and be helped, so know Bexie you are not alone, don't forget your guides and guardian angel, wrapping their wings around you in comfort, just ask :heart:

#14 OFFLINE   Bexie

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 08:18 PM

i know, and i am very grateful, i need a lot of support to get through this but i will get there, i am so determined!

#15 OFFLINE   Wingman

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 09:11 PM

if your thoughts are a problem (what you think) then im going to mention something called CBT, which stands for cognitive behavioral therapy,in other words its all about controlling those thoughts that keep us down..

This is a little hard to explain on here but i will do my best..

ok.... right.......

when we start to get depressed we unknowingly build up a way of thinking and seeing the world that is not always built on reality and this can alter the way we see everything... its called unhelpful thinking styles in CBT...

Black and White thinking (things are either good or bad, never anything inbetween)

mind reading ( if you think somebody is thinking something or feeling something or doing something then they must be)

Self blame (even if its not your fault you still find it easier to blame yourself)

Over generalization (everything is rubbish, it will always be rubbish there is nothing good in life)

dismissing the positive ( discounting the good things in your life as if they dont really matter)

Fortune telling (because things have been bad on you have gone through a hard time, things will never get better, nobody knows the future not even mystic meg)

Should/must.. (this way of thinking put demands on yourself and if you dont quite manage it it can cause guilt and frustration)

Magfnification and minimizing ( blowing negative things up all out of proportion but lessening the more postive aspects, this causes a false inbalance of life..)

Emotional reasoning ( because we think or feel a certain way then it must be true.. " i feel awkward around people so i must be stupid and an idiot"

Labeling ( im a waste of space, im a failure, they are stupid )


That is the basic ways we can think when we arent too happy in our minds..

so what can we do about it.....

Two things here depending how far you want to take this, you can ask for a therapist that is trained in CBT, they will give you work sheets, or you can do it your self.. try this exercise

Pen and Paperfor this one.. take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the center...

now at the top of the paper write down a thought that is bothering you..

" I feel so unhappy because eveytime i go out i see people are looking at me"

now in the first column start with what makes you think this..

" i notice it, they are looking at me, i must look stupid or a mess or something"

Now in the second column you now start to think more positive so you would go on to say something like..

"people do look at other people when they are out, it doesnt mean anything"

First column again " ah but yes, but with me it different, they are looking at me because im stupid or look scruffy or something"

Second column " but hold on a minute, i do my makeup, brush my hair, so i dont look scruffy, "

1st " they do look though so perhaps they are looking because they think im stupid"

2nd " you are being a bit of a mind reader now, how can i tell what they are thinking, i just walk normally down the street so why should they be thinking anything about me at all.."

1st " i feel people just dont like me though, they dont have to know me not not like me, there must be something about me that makes me look different"

2nd " again i am mind reading, i am also labeling these people as being unfriendly when more than likely they are just throwing me a glance to see if they know me so they can say hello if they do..

And so on, its a bit like having a converstion with yourself, but one side is your normalway of thinking coming out and the other is more postive, its not always easy to be positive but the more you do it the more your mind starts to work that way.. which in turn alter the way the chemicals in your brain are produced to give you a more balanced outlook and more postive feelings. which then snowballs

Anyhoo sorry for the long post

Every day in every moment,
you make the choice...
whether to love and harness the positive force.
or not.

 

 

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#16 OFFLINE   Bexie

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 09:28 PM

ahh thank you so much for this, i can see already the problems ive been having, the main paranoia about my boyfriend cheating stems back to years ago when he was a player, and because we have been arguing and hes been distant i am labelling him in his present based on his past, we had a row about it last week because he was pissed off with being judged because of who he was in the past, maybe i hadnt put the past to bed as much as i thought i had.....

#17 OFFLINE   Spiritlove

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 09:58 PM

Thats more common than you think, labelling people in the present from past experiences weve all done it and are capable of doing it, so its quite a normal behaviour, just some people dont know they are doing it, arent aware of it and some do know but cant help it. Xx
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#18 OFFLINE   Bexie

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 10:01 PM

thats the problem i have at the moment because hes done it before i keep thinking hes going to do it again, but those thoughts wont go away over night either xx

#19 OFFLINE   Thunderbird

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 10:30 PM

I am so sorry to hear Bexie of your sadness at the moment through all your posts here, only a week a too ago I thought all was well, all I can say is my thoughts are with you and shall be day to day, I shall not stop in my healing prayers on my walks and quiet meditations. :heart:

#20 OFFLINE   SaraSeeker

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Posted 13 March 2013 - 01:03 AM

(((((((((((((( :heart: Hugs :angelhug: )))))))))))))


Bex the fact that you had the strength, trust and honesty to post here as you did shows exactly how much Strength you have within, you are down at the moment through no fault of your own. It happens to everyone in one degree or another. As an illness it is important to see it as just that something that needs to be treated in order for you to get better. It is also important not to be hard on yourself what what has transpired before this realization, it is important that you look ahead and be as positive as you can, which you are well on your way to doing by getting the help and support you need!

The support and healing you are receiving here is amazing, you can feel the love!

I am so glad to see Wingman put on his Dad Hat again, he is so right, this is something we should all do once in awhile, a sort of house cleaning!

I can picture your Nan smiling and nodding saying "that's my girl!"

Sending prayer's for healing energy to you.

Jimmy on Peace

~ take good care in all things ~peace out in unity and respect





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