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#41 OFFLINE   Bexie

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Posted 14 March 2013 - 10:52 AM

From now until the end of the month I am on my course, all te guys here are lovely and it's really nice getting out of the house, I seem to feel worse when I am in the house, something just doesn't feel right. I will try not to be hard on myself, I'm just very tired today and want these racing thoughts to bugger off so I can at least think properly. Have to keep trying to banish them although getting out of the house does help a lot. I've started this course this morning :)

#42 OFFLINE   angeldreams

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Posted 14 March 2013 - 11:19 AM

Healing bubbles of love and positivity to you Bexie :heart:

#43 OFFLINE   Thunderbird

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Posted 14 March 2013 - 11:24 AM

Healing energy is being radiated to you from all who read your posts here Bexie, I have been thinking of you and sending healing thoughts and so many more here, one step at a time, even though you feel tired may be just a little walk can help, it can help the racing mind :heart:

#44 OFFLINE   Bexie

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Posted 14 March 2013 - 04:51 PM

well my appetite aint half come back with a bang! after not eating properly the last couple of days because of the tablets, ive been pigging out on my home made macaroni cheese, yummmmmm!

#45 OFFLINE   newisis

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Posted 14 March 2013 - 06:10 PM

Sounds great!

#46 OFFLINE   Bexie

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Posted 14 March 2013 - 06:34 PM

Has anyone here ever read The Scriveners Tale by Fiona McIntosh?

#47 OFFLINE   Spiritlove

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Posted 14 March 2013 - 10:01 PM

Its good to get out of the house Bex, especially when we have a reason to, so pleased you started a course this morning, hope its something you love doing :) xxxx good for you xxxxx

No ive not heard of The Scriveners, have you been into the library again? :lol:
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#48 OFFLINE   Bexie

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Posted 15 March 2013 - 01:53 PM

I woke up really bad today, a step back, another night of broken sleep meant i woke in a bad mood, and a unpleasant morning with the boyfriend, i got myself into quite a state, on the upside i have realised there are so many more factors to my depression than just my nan dying, so i have written down all the factors since i was a little girl, ive not had the best life unfortunately! and i will start to work through them with the counsellor when the referral goes through, i think i need to work through them all individually rather than all at once, and just hopefully, i can kick this in the teeth for good!

#49 OFFLINE   Wingman

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Posted 15 March 2013 - 03:16 PM

you are on to a good start if you can recognize the issues enough to be able to write them down.. what you need to do when you have written them down is to try and put them in order so that the things that are causing you the most grief can be sorted out first.. remember that you are not on your own with saying your life as a child wasn't the best, its true what they say and that is we are all survivors of our childhood in some degree.

Every day in every moment,
you make the choice...
whether to love and harness the positive force.
or not.

 

 

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#50 OFFLINE   Bexie

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Posted 15 March 2013 - 03:27 PM

I think for me the first port of call is getting closure from my parents horribly messy divorce, because that's played a massive part in who I have become today and a lot of the emotions I still harbour about why I want a family of my own and relationships etc

#51 OFFLINE   Bexie

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Posted 15 March 2013 - 04:39 PM

It's amazing what just a couple of hours of writing about your past can do, I feel like I want to dance, and sing and I have a clear head right now, writing has always been a good thing for me in healing :)

#52 OFFLINE   Bexie

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Posted 16 March 2013 - 09:10 PM

Evening guys, ive been a bit quiet of late, ive been doing lots of writing and digging back into my past, its definitely helping to clear my mind of all my history and i can finally lay it all to rest, i have discovered a couple of little things about myself since ive started, scars of my childhood maybe or traits of my parents, either way i am recognising things about myself that have ingrained on my due to things from when i was a child, and i am literally touching the tip of the iceberg here, its going to take a really long time to go through it all but at the end, im going to have one final act of closure, and burn the book. And then i will have a happy and fresh start :) my mind is clearing a lot and i already begin to feel happier, i guess i have never had a reason to confront my past until now!

#53 OFFLINE   Thunderbird

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Posted 16 March 2013 - 09:19 PM

That iceberg of your past is starting to melt Bexie, it can't be easy going into your past if it feels painful but confronting it, writing it and disposing of it, you are on the right path, I am very happy to hear you are feeling more chirpy tonight :)

#54 OFFLINE   Bexie

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Posted 16 March 2013 - 09:24 PM

its not easy i know, some things are harder to understand and think about than others and i have realised a lot already, the mind is becoming clear :)

#55 OFFLINE   newisis

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Posted 16 March 2013 - 09:42 PM

Sending you love and light!

#56 OFFLINE   Bexie

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Posted 16 March 2013 - 09:43 PM

Thank you Newisis :kiss:

#57 OFFLINE   Spiritlove

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Posted 16 March 2013 - 10:13 PM

Thats wonderful Bexie, just see how much lighter you are feeling in yourself releasing and confronting all your pain, i should imagine it is very hard and painful but just shows your strength of spirit :kiss: im going to quote my favourite saying from a very good book that helped me through my anxiety and when i was doing my level 2 counselling, its a great book! Called 'feel the fear and do it anyway' which ironically is what you're already doing! The book is by Susan Jeffers and its a book they always recommend when you are studying a counselling course...anyway im digressing lol, the quote from the book and its full of little quotes just to keep you going when reading through it, but my favourite and one thats always helped me is 'the best way out is always through' and that is so very true.

Im so happy for you that you have finally started to work through things and feel alot clearer headed :kiss:

Edit: meant to say you can get that book at the library.
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#58 OFFLINE   Bexie

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Posted 16 March 2013 - 10:18 PM

I had wrote a long list of each of the individual things that have affected me since before I was 9 years old, as that's when my parents divorced but i remember bad stuff from before then too, I ended up with a list consisting of more than 20 things, and I decided to tackle each subject individually, write the story of that subject and my feelings towards it and the sense I make of it now, I've been doing it since yesterday and I'm only on number 3! And already going back and remembering things that I had forgotten and realising bitter truths is helping me massively, already today I've been happier and clearer headed, me and my boyfriend haven't had any falling out, I haven't been moody at all :) it will take some time but I will get there, my aunt always said I have to dig deep within myself and find out who I really am

#59 OFFLINE   kally

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 04:12 AM

Good to hear you are progressing in such a great manner and with such maturity :heart:
Spiritloves recommendation is sound, a great book.
Can i ask you one thing..is that when you write, is not to read it through, burn it, and write again,
no matter how many times..something may surface after, but no matter, don't re-read just write it again.
I feel that if you read it through, you are putting the thoughts/feeelings back, so just let it go..and if you feel the need,
write it down again.
My thoughts are with you Bex..much love and hugs xx
“Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.” Albert Einstein

#60 OFFLINE   Bexie

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 08:38 AM

Thanks Kally! I've always been into writing as a way of letting my emotions out and I have never in all the years I've been doing it gone back and read what I've put, I have tried to and got as far as a couple of pages and I physically can't do it anymore, it's like looking back at an old version of me and as far as I am concerned the emotion is now gone and its now in ink on the paper, I was saying to my boyfriend how my hand hurts because I've been writing so much, I wrote 14 pages relating to my parents divorce! And he suggests typing it and I explained to him that typing doesn't work for me because when I am physically writing I can feel my emotions and feelings pour out of me into the paper and while I am actually writing my brain begins to make sense of the things in the past, it's going to take a fair few weeks because once I have finished a subject I have a break from it and do some reading and once I feel I have closed that chapter I move onto the next one, I am doing what feels right for me to do and it's working

I had a really good night sleep last night and my cousin text me earlier to say she had a really nice dream about nan last night, like nan came through to her in her dream and she was perfectly happy and glowing, so I feel pretty fantastic right now :)




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