I haven't been able to properly say goodbye to Jessie, I've found it so hard to get the words out without breaking down.
I tried writing a letter - as if she would receive it and read it like a person - and it's the closest I've ever come to being able to express my true feelings about what happened.
It's very personal but I feel that this is the place I can share it - I've never shown it to Lunar for fear of upsetting her but I think that I need to get it out so I can move on properly.
I don’t know how to find the words to write this letter so I am just going to write what’s in my heart.
By now, you will sleeping peacefully and no longer in pain. To see you suffer was the single hardest thing I have ever had to endure and it killed me to see you in pain.
From the moment you arrived in our life it seemed like fate, or something similar that made our paths in life cross – you were destined to be with us. The moment I saw you on the photo sent by Neil I knew we had to have you – to give you a shot at a life, to be loved. You were such a beautiful kitten – small, delicate and full of life. I have never known a kitten so affectionate, loving and the longing you had to sit on my shoulder, nuzzle my ear and play endeared me right to my very core. Not only were you a caring kitten but you knew straight away that we were your parents – we raised you from a very young age because we fell in love with you.
You had your moments where I raised my voice – thundering up and down the stairs in the night, chewing/scratching things you shouldn’t but those little tendencies were part of your adventurous and playful side and I wouldn’t have changed them for the world. I want you to know that when I shouted or smacked your bum that I still loved you unconditionally and always will.
Lying on my chest when mummy was on a night shift and purring like it was going out of fashion was your thing for a Friday night. You lay with me when I was poorly, you nuzzled me when I was upset or sad and most of all you taught me that when you love something you make the most of the time you have together because it can be gone in a fleeting moment.
When we visited you in the vets and you recognised my voice it made my heart jump. To know you had your old personality and memory in there was such a relief and even though we only got to take you home for a few hours, I feel that it was for you to say goodbye to Amelia, Bella and Phoebe on your terms. This will always be your home and I hope you stay to watch over us in spirit and in memory – you will always be our little baby kitten and I will always love you with all my heart.
My tears are not tears of sadness now but tears of joy that I got to experience such unconditional love from a beautiful cat. You are the epitome of what it is to love your pet and I don’t consider you just a pet – I consider you one of my babies. I will always be your daddy and I hope you will always remember me wherever your journey takes you.
Bella and Phoebe know you’re gone – they kept looking for you initially but after a while they seemed to just know. I never truly understood before the sense a cat has for another when they are not there but I have seen it and felt it now.
Rest peacefully now sweetheart, daddy loves you with all his heart and I have loads of photos of you to keep me smiling when I feel a pang of loss. We will light a candle for you on your birthday each year – that is my promise. I don’t care how odd that sounds – it’s something I want to do to show on your birthday that you are loved and missed.
Take care my angel, we all miss you and love you so much.